A Call to Darkness
by marcasite
Summary: she found herself on the precipice of something life changing and it terrified her
1. Chapter 1 The Letter

_Whitney! No one does it better! Much love, love must go to my beta **Adyin's One ** cause she's amazing and just plain wonderful. Thank you to **ScullyAsTrinity ** for the challenge. I so needed it._

The air had turned brisk and she watched as the leaves danced across her eyesight; swirling around in a dazzling display of color and poetry. She leaned back on the park bench she was occupying and tugged lightly on the scarf tied loosely around her neck. She closed her eyes and inhaledthe scent of early fall; something she had missed all the years living in Las Vegas. No other season compared to fall in its richness and diversity. Sara smiled to herself. Actually it was nice to experience a season other than hot and dry. It had been a very long time.

The letter had appeared one day in her mail. What she thought was another innocuous mix of catalogs and pre-approved credit card applications had given way to the legal size letter with a college embossed on the front. She thought she knew what it was. Leaving it lying on her kitchen island she walked away from the letter, unopened, and the ramifications she knew hid behind its seal. It stayed there, untouched, for three days. On the morning of the third day she finally plucked up the courage to address the letter. With slightly shaking hands, she opened the letter and withdrew the note from inside. It was a request from an east coast college to fly, at their expense, to their campusand interview for a teaching position. She was, the letter acknowledged, highly skilled in her profession and they were eager to ascertain if she would be interested in teaching those skills to others. Her track record spoke for itself and she had come highly recommended.

Sara's curiosity had been piqued all the while she had felt a stone settling itself deep in her stomach. This was the out she had been looking for. Or so she thought. Now that her out presented itself so clearly to her, she was hesitant to deal with it. If she did, it would make it real. It wasn't until three days later that she gathered the courage to call the name and number at the bottom of the letter. Tom Matthews. His voice was pleasant and soon Sara had found herself agreeing to fly out to meet him next week. She knew with that phone call, she would be on the precipice of something life changing and was terrified.

Later, when Sara spoke to Grissom in order to request personal time, her perception of his indifference, reassured her that she had done the right thing. He had merely glanced at her, nodding his head in approval. He neither took the time to address her directly nor asked her anything that he would deem to personal. This only reinforced Sara's determination to have a successful trip. Strangely enough, she found herself looking forward to the trip. The East Coast was nothing if not beautiful in the fall.

So, on this crisp autumn afternoon, Sara found herself sitting on a park bench, watching leaves tumble around. She glanced at her watch and realized that it was time to go. This was it, the moment that could potentially change her life. She walked swiftly through the park and hailed a cab that would lead her to the college.

The ride was not long enough to dissipate her nervousness. She entered the college building and had to keep reminding herself that it was just brick and mortar. Her concession to the interview was in slight pumps and tailored slacks. Not her everyday attire. Her heels clicked mutely on the floor as she made her way to the elevators. The envelope had indicated that Mr. Matthews was on the third floor.

Upon arriving on the third floor, Sara was greeted by his assistant with a soft smile, "Sara Sidle?" At Sara's nod of ascension the assistant continued, "You can go right in, he's been expecting you."

Music drifted softly out of a stereo situated behind the professor's desk. He stood up as Sara approached his desk and offered his hand. Sara has never been the type of woman to care about her looks or carry around a handbag, but just this once she wished she had a comb, or moisturizing lotion so he wouldn't have to feel her dry hands when they shook. She was surprised at her attraction to this stranger. Maybe it was the eyes. Blue eyes that reminded her of Grissom. She felt a pang of regret at the thought of him. Would he miss her? She silently berated herself for once again thinking of Grissom and turn to look at the man standing before her. His black hair was thickly laced with grey and she discovered his eyes weren't really blue; more aquamarine which appeared to change colors as the light hit them. Different. He extended his hand to the chair in front of his desk and Sara sat down.

Sara listed to Tom talk to her about the details of the job and all the benefits. She dimly heard him enumerate about how excited they were that she was considering leaving Las Vegas. For the first time in so many years, Sara felt herself becoming a 'devil may care' type of woman and could feel it rushing through her system. She was going to do this. She was going to leave and start over. This time there was no one else involved. She was leaving on her own terms for the right reasons.

Why did she feel like her heart was breaking in two?

She realized that Tom had stopped talking and was staring at her. She smiled to cover her awkwardness and he leaned closer to her, "The job is yours; if you want it."

Sara smiled broadly, "I accept. When do you need me to start?"

On the flight back to Vegas, Sara stared out the window and thought about what she had committed to. She had known even before she had boarded the plane, that she was going to take this job and now she had to go back to Vegas and face this, this vortex of change she had instilled on herself. She had a lot to accomplish over the next few weeks. She would stay in Vegas through the holidays and start her new job after winter break. It gave her a little time. She wondered how much she would need to get over him.

Her mind wandered over the various scenarios that could happen and wondered if anything could make her change her mind. Would Grissom confess his undying love and devotion to her? Better yet, sweep her off her feet with elegant conversations comparing her to his vast affection for his butterflies. Sara smiled broadly at these unlikely thoughts. Not Grissom. Her smile faded as she thought about how much she would miss him, probably for the rest of her life.

Sara stopped outside his office door with a letter clutched desperately in her hand. She paused and took a deep breath. She could do this, could get through this. She knocked and smiled as she walked in, "Grissom, do you have a minute?"

He looked up over his glasses at her and nodded. She sank into the seat in front of his desk and handed him the letter. He looked at her quizzically and started to open it. Sara started to speak, words rushing out so she could say what she had been practicing for two days. "I got this really great opportunity that I could not pass up. I felt it was time for me to make a change in both my career and my personal life. Over the past few two years, I discovered how much I enjoyed teaching Greg and watching him develop has been a pleasure I wasn't expecting. I'm hoping to experience that reward by accepting this teaching job."

She took a breath and stared at Grissom. His hand had stopped, letter partially in envelope and he simply looked back at her. She took heart in his silence and realized that once again she had surprised him. She waited for him to say anything.

"Sara…um, this comes as a surprise. I didn't realize that you had been looking for another position." Grissom frowned slightly as he retracted the rest of the letter and started to read the contents. He looked up at her and she could see the echo of sadness reflected in his eyes.

"I wasn't looking, Grissom. It came to me and honestly, it feels right. Also, its more than two weeks, I won't be leaving until the end of December so that gives you almost two months." Sara paused, "Unless of course, you need me to leave sooner."

Grissom started at that. "No Sara." He seemed too stumble over his words, unsure of how or what to say. "We, I would appreciate you staying while….we look for a suitable replacement." He leaned back, seemingly satisfied with what he said.

Sara inwardly winced at the sound of replacement coming from Grissom. She knew that this was going to hurt and just wanted to leave without breaking down in front of him. She smiled and stood up to leave. "Thanks Grissom. Whatever I can do…."

She turned to leave and almost made it to the door when she heard Grissom call out to her. "Sara, all these years…I mean we, you and I, we're still friends, right?"

She smiled sadly at him. This was the giant declaration that she had not been holding her breath for. "Yes, Grissom, we're still friends. I never asked you to stop." She left, knowing that she had made the right decision. It was time to go.

Grissom stared after her, "And I never told you how I felt."


	2. Chapter 2 Moving On

_**Adyin's One** is the world's best beta, honest and thoughtful. She has also promised me twinkies in the shape of Grissom, can you believe it?_

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Sara had asked Grissom to allow her the chance to tell the others. Finding herself sitting on a bench in the locker room, she took deep breaths trying to gather the strength to put into words the fact that she was really leaving. Overcoming her biggest hurdle was in telling Grissom, but everyone else had become, in a way, her family. Disappointing and losing them was her biggest fear. Not knowing how they would react, she just hoped that they would support her and she could tell them without words how much she would miss all of them.

Walking through the dimly lit corridor of the lab, Sara didn't run into anyone as she made her way to the break room situated at the end of the hall. She stood in the doorway for a brief second taking in everyone as they ate and joked with each other. She would miss these guys, more than she thought possible. Greg with his ever evolving hairstyles and beguiling sense of humor, Warrick with his gorgeous eyes and sense of self-righteousness, and Nick, loaded with charm. She felt a compression on her chest and struggled to maintain her composure.

It was Nick who saw her in the doorway and waved her over. "Sara, waiting for an invitation?"

She just dropped her hands into her coat pocket and shrugged her shoulders. "Nope, actually I was looking for you guys." She moved closer to the table where they sat. She took a seat and leaned back and struck, what she hoped was a casual pose. "I have something to share."

Greg raised an eyebrow, "You're not going to tell us you've run off and joined the traveling dance troupe…" His voice trailed off as he noticed the expression on Sara's face. "Not leaving, right?"

"I accepted a position teaching on the East Coast and I'm going to start right after the holidays, I already told Grissom and I'm all set to go." Sara let the words tumble out of her mouth, the faster she could say them, the sooner this would be over.

Silence greeted her announcement, their expressions relaying disbelief at her words. Warrick was the first to react, leaning over and slinging an arm around her shoulder. "Congratulations Sara, are you happy about the change?"

She tried to smile but it came out as more a lopsided grimace. "It's something new for me, teaching, but I think I am ready for the challenge. I just hope they're ready for me. Can you imagine me, a teacher?"

Warrick tilted his head back in a laugh. "I'm gonna miss you Sara. Who's going to keep Greg…close your mouth, Greg."

Greg was still staring at Sara, mouth still parted slightly. When he heard Warrick admonish him he snapped his mouth close. "When…when's your last day?"

"Right after the holidays some time. I'll have to pack over the next weeks or so and get things ready to be shipped. Not that I own a lot." Sara shrugged her shoulders, while the room grew silent.

It was Nick who broke the awkward moment. He simply stood up and looked at Sara "You do what you have to do," turned and left. Greg and Warrick followed after him leaving her with a smile and a wave.

Nick's reaction stung her a bit. Of all people she expected him to understand her reasons. It wasn't like she was a crying, weeping beg-for-attention because she's leaving type of girl but she expected a little bit more from Nick.

* * *

The weeks traveled by quickly. Grissom, with Catherine's prodding, reluctantly hired another CSI to replace Sara. The crossover would be three weeks allowing everyone enough time to settle into a new routine. Greg had been thrilled, assuming the new person would be just that. The new guy, someone else to harass and something he wouldn't be anymore. That is until he found out the new person was a highly successful CSI level three from the Los Angeles area. Greg pouted for days.

Sara found the days ticking by faster than she expected. She had barely spoken to Grissom since she handed in her resignation, almost as if he were avoiding her. Nick barely said two words to her in her presence and Greg stuck to her like glue. She missed Grissom, more than she cared to, and she hadn't even left yet. Even the tentative friendship they had formed over the past two years was preferable than this. Wondering if he was purposely avoiding her would accomplish nothing so she focused all her energy in bringing Kevin, the new CSI, up to speed. She discovered that his wife was an ER doctor that had recently transferred to Vegas and when the opportunity arose for him to follow her, he jumped at the chance. Kevin had a charming smile and a laid back demeanor that belied the intensity in his eyes. Sara knew he would mesh well with the team and reluctantly admitted to herself he would be a perfect addition.

Sara had not envisioned moving across the country would be so complicated; there was so much chaos in her apartment. Standing outside her bedroom door and staring into her apartment as far as the eye could see, there were boxes strewn everywhere; piles of clothes, dishes, books laid out ready to be boxed. Moving into the middle of her apartment she wondered when she had accumulated so much stuff. She guessed the better part of ten years adds up fast. Where to begin? The knock on her door startled her out of her contemplation. She hesitated; it was rare that she received any visitors. Rare.

Peering out she saw Nick standing there holding two cups and a bag of what she assumed were bagels. She didn't need to wonder why her heart was racing and why she felt a momentary flash of disappointment at the sight of Nick. He wasn't Grissom. She still held out a small hope that he would avail himself to her; of their friendship before she walked out of his life because a small part of her knew that she wouldn't work to maintain what was left of their shattered friendship. Leaving this city meant leaving Grissom and all that entailed.

She swung open the door and donned a broad smile, "Hey, Nick."

He just smiled up at her, slightly sheepish, and handed her the hot beverages. "I came to help." She took the drinks and waved him in. He glanced around the apartment. "Looks like you needed it."

"Yeah, well…it kind of escaped a bit from me." She shrugged. "I didn't realize I had this much stuff."

For the next several hours, walls were stripped, books packed in boxes and several years of Sara's life were tucked away. They worked in companionable silence with an odd exclamation every now and then from Sara as she found something she had thought lost. Nick had to pry old photo albums away from her, as she was easily distracted. When Sara's stomach grumbled at her for food, she looked down at her watch only to realize that most of the day had gone and dusk was settling in. "Pizza?" she called to Nick, who nodded his assent adding, "as long as there's a lot of stuff on it."

The smell of pizza enticed Nick to finish his box and stack it in the corner of the room along with the others. The room looked organized and sadly, ready to be moved out.

"I'm sorry about…" Sara cut him off. "It's ok. I know."

Nick shook his head, "No, it's not ok. I was a jerk and you should call me on it. I just want to make sure you're doing this for the right reasons, Sara. That this is really what you want."

Sara finished her pizza and balled her napkin up. Standing up, she brought her dish into the kitchen and turned to stare back at Nick. "I came here for all the wrong reasons but I'm leaving for the right ones."

"Can you be so sure?"

"For the first time, I can say that confidently. Honestly Nick, I didn't seek out this opportunity although I think a part of me has been waiting for it. This is good, believe me. Don't think for one minute I won't miss you guys. I will, terribly. I have to do this. It's time." The last was said on a softer note, which Nick did not miss. The whole thing was insane to him so he just let it go. Whatever she needed, he would be there to help her with.

"Let's get this wrapped up, shall we? Rumor has it there's going to be some people over at the bar later tonight to start the holiday celebrations. Wanna go?"

Sara looked up at Nick. She had forgotten it was the holiday season; the days had simply melded together, one after the other. "I'd like that." And was rewarded with Nick's smile.

* * *

On her last day, Sara spent the day trying to avoid the obligatory farewell parties. She had said her private good-byes with her friends and had just left Brass's office after turning her weapon in. He had simply patted her shoulder and wished her luck. He didn't mention Grissom or her decision to leave. It hadn't come as a surprise to him, knowing it was inevitable, but he wondered if she realized how much Grissom would miss her when she had gone. He had a feeling that the Scotch hidden in his bottom drawer would be put to good use soon. Turning the corner, on her way out, she ran into Grissom. He stood in front of her, brandishing a clipboard. "Sara. Do you have a minute?"

She took a step towards him, "Now? I was just leaving."

"It will only take a minute." He motioned for her to precede him into his office. Sara sighed and made her way in. He stood behind his desk and Sara waited for him. Honestly, it felt like she was always waiting for him.

"Ecklie just wanted me to make sure that you had turned your weapon into Brass and left your badge here."

Sara just stared at him, eyebrow arched. She was starting to get angry and was elated that she finally had the freedom to feel this upset. "Grissom, you don't talk to me save for a few words in weeks and as I am walking out the door for the last time you stop me to talk about whether or not I turned my _weapon_ in. What do you think?" She took a breath, "Do you think, for a friend, a good-bye, best of luck might have been a lot to ask?"

Grissom stared at her, slightly surprised. "Sara, I don't know what to say." He shifted awkwardly. "I hope you love your new job and it's what you really want to do."

"See that's just it, Grissom. Sometimes it's not about what you say or how you say it. There are times it just boils down to when you say it." With that, Sara turned and left Las Vegas behind her.


	3. Chapter 3 Facing Forward

_Sorry for the delay! Only one more chapter left! Thank you to those that are reviewing and leaving feedback, you have no idea how much it means!_

_And thanks to **Adyin's One **the beta and the life support. She is always there when you need her!_

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Darkness blanketed the city with a cool breeze accompanying it. She had forgotten how stark the landscape became in the throes of winter. The days dwindled into night faster than she cared for and she soon found herself longing for the warmth of the sun on her skin. The irony was not lost on her.

Was it possible to feel so alone and yet be surrounded by people everyday? She loved her students and saw traces of future Grissoms, Nicks, and Gregs in all of them. She even had a student that reminded her a little bit too much of herself. Quiet and dedicated, Sara tried to persuade her into opening up and shared with her some of her experiences in Vegas.

And then there was Tom. Everything a single woman could ask for in a man. He was smart, charming, funny, and handsome. She had gone on a few dinners and coffee breaks with him since her arrival. In a city where she knew no one, his company was very much desired and had been a welcome one. He shared with her stories of travels abroad and of a near marriage. He explained how his fiancée had loved him as well as his best friend. At this, Sara had sobered up and Tom had laughed at her expression. It had been years ago and he was touched that she cared. He pushed her to tell him about her life before today. Sara measured out her past in small doses, choosing to share about some cases but never anything personal. She knew Tom was disappointed in how unwilling she was to share about her time in Vegas and even before that, but she couldn't quite bring herself to tell him about Grissom and what he meant to her. It was something she clung to tightly and savored just for herself.

She felt a hand touch her arm, calling her back from her musings. She looked into blue eyes, the vivid blue eyes of her dinner companion. "Where were you, Sara?"

She had the grace to blush and dipped her head to one side. "Here. Sorry this weather makes me a bit melancholy for the warmth of Vegas. Funny how you crave one thing and when you finally have it, you realize how much you miss what you had."

Tom leaned back on his chair, "Why do I think we are no longer talking about the weather?"

"I just miss Vegas. More than I thought possible."

"Why did you come here, Sara? Everyone can see you are not one hundred percent thrilled about being here." Tom's eyes drilled into her, she felt slightly cornered.

"Honestly, I'm not sure." She shrugged. "It felt like the right idea at the time. I'll be honest, Tom. I think I could get use to it here; it's just going to take me some time."

"But do you really want to be here?" Tom leaned closer, "Who did you leave behind?"

"You know," She drawled, "I don't think I am interested in having this conversation."

He just looked at her. "Sara, I don't want to pry but clearly you're not happy here." He waved a hand at her as she started to respond. "I mean beyond the teaching which you seem to have a knack for. The kids love you. You left someone behind and it eats away at you. Never mind the fact, that whenever we have dinner together you are a million miles away. I'll start to take it personal soon."

Sara sighed, "No, just three thousand miles away. You're right, Tom. I made friends in Vegas, I had a life there. You might not think much of it but it was a good one."

He just nodded at her, hoping she would continue. "And there was someone, someone I've loved for as long as I can remember."

"Why leave? You wanted to get married and he didn't?"

Sara threw back her head and laughed. It was a solid laugh and it felt good. "Far from it. We weren't "dating" in that sense of the word." She shook her head, "Actually saying it out loud makes it seem so silly."

Tom looked at her, eyes dancing, "Ah, another case of love from afar."

Sara sobered up at Tom's tone, "I went to Vegas for him. He asked me to come and I did no hesitation. I like to think at the beginning we were on the same page. We were friends once."

"But not anymore?"

"I don't think we have been friends for a very long time." Sara smiled widely at Tom. "You have to engage in conversations with one another if you're friends."

Tom looked at her, "Do you know how beautiful you are when you smile? You don't smile nearly enough, Sara."

She looked down at the table and started to twist her napkin. "Thanks. You really are a flirt."

"Not flirting, just honest. I'm not going to push you, Sara. I want your friendship and more than anything; your trust." He waved the waiter over to pay the bill. "Do what you need but you should be happier."

Sara waited while Tom helped her into her coat, and on the ride home she thought about everything they said. She faced the fact that she was lonely. Complete and utterly alone. As solitary as a figure she was in Vegas, at least she had her coworkers. And over time they had become her family. Two years ago they had faced their own mortality with the kidnapping of Nick and that had dealt her a personal blow. That was a defining moment in her life and she had dissected its implications in her mind and this is where it had led her. To this cold, unwilling city on the other side of the country. Why did she think she could leave behind the ghosts of her past and run? Where would she end up? To a time before university, before Las Vegas, before Grissom? If she could do it, would she take back all those years and do them differently? Sara knew better than that. She would have done it all over again. He was her man. Through and through. She would love him where ever he was and she was only just starting to realize this.

She realized with a start that they were outside her brownstone. Tom was moving around the car to open the door. She clasped his extended hand and he shut the door behind her. He held her elbow lightly as he accompanied her to her doorstep. A light snow had started to fall and Tom lightly brushed her hair off her face. He placed the flat of his palm against her cheek and leaned down to kiss her other cheek. "Sara, you have to do what will make you the happiest. Staying, leaving, learning from all this. Whatever you do, let me be there for you. In whatever capacity you need me to be."

Sara just smiled up at him, those blue, blue eyes. "Thank you, Tom. You have no idea what that means to me."

"Good night then."

Tom turned to leave and Sara watched from the doorstep as his car faded into the night.

She didn't see the solitary figure standing on the corner, the streetlamp silhouetting his profile.


	4. Chapter 4 Breaking Even

_Much props to **Adyin's One** who is an amazingly generous beta and her advice keeps me sane._

_Thanks to Leslie, Lori, Whitney, Eliza, & Fishy for the late night chats that both entertain and fuel me!_

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As he stood outside watching her home, he remembers the exact moment things turned into this, when he turned into this voyeur who stood on the sidelines and watched as the world moved on around him. He had stood by helplessly as she decided that she had enough and moved forward with her life. A life without him. He made no effort to stop her, no effort to sway her into staying and she would never know the personal cost to him.

He almost broke when he started hearing the pain in her voice as she left in those last days. The sound of regret still reverberates around in his mind and he wishes he could change that time. If given the chance, could he go back and at the very least let her know how much her friendship meant to him. He can't remember a time when he hasn't loved her and he felt her absence acutely. He had promised himself a long time ago that he would never allow himself to depend on anyone, get to close to someone. But somehow life without Sara in it seemed a lot less vibrant.

He always knew that there would be a day that she would leave. It was as inevitable as the sun rising and setting. He had mentally braced himself for the day that she would walk out of his life and he had felt prepared. But what he wasn't ready for was the quick, hard jab to his stomach when she handed him that letter. Her countenance in his office spoke to him of moving on but he knew that although she may be ready to, he wasn't. He liked the small, silent abyss he had created for himself. It offered him the comfort of his work and the neutrality of avoidance.

Brass had tried to persuade him to join him in drowning his sorrows, but he declined, brushing him off. He wanted nothing to do with anyone and started to retreat deeper into his solitary role. Even Catherine had given up and told him he deserved to wallow in his self-pity. She would be around for him if he needed her, but she was tired of his moping and barely restrained anger simmering just beneath the surface. She had told him to stop snapping at everyone, and that there was a petition going around at who was going to get yelled at next. He had a feeling who had started that, and was still not amused by it.

It was a cool Wednesday evening in February that finally changed his mind. He stood over the dead body, photographing, cataloging when it struck him at how little he had said to her. Of course she would leave; of course she would terminate their friendship. Sara didn't have much to work with because he never gave her anything. Just random quips and undecipherable riddles. Would she have stayed if he had asked her too?

He booked a flight out of McCarran the very next day. No one asked him where he was going or who he was seeing. The assumption hung there, unspoken and most were secretly glad. If he could persuade Sara to come home, maybe he would be less moody and more flexible. Nick had told him the name of the college that she worked at but only handed that over to him grudgingly. Grissom knew that Nick would not be persuaded to hand over Sara's home address. Nick didn't say it in so many words, but Grissom had the distinct feeling he was not pleased at Grissom's destination.

He had forgotten how cold the winter was and his first order of business was to buy a coat. Perhaps, he had been rash in heading out across the country but he knew he had to leave before his courage deserted him. Hailing a cab, he made his way over the college. It was still early enough in the day, maybe he could catch Sara teaching a class. The prospect of seeing their reversal of roles excited him a little. He was disappointed to learn she had left for the day but the secretary took pity on him and directed him to Sara's home. He hesitated but thanked the lady and hailed a cab.

This led him outside her home as dusk settled and the wind whipped through the gaps and alleys between the rows of brownstones. He turned the collar of his coat up and stood across the street gathering his courage to approach. What was he going to say to her that could make up for everything he hasn't over the years? Was there anything that could bridge the gap he himself created? He started when he noticed a car pull up outside her home and watched as a man, dressed in a long black wool coat, got out and walked up the stairs to her home. Grissom stared as the man pushed a buzzer and called out to Sara. Tom. His name was Tom. Grissom felt a hand clench around his heart as he heard the laughter in Sara's voice call out that she was on her way down. He couldn't bring himself to turn away as she came out of the building and smiled that beautiful smile at Tom. She was stunning, what he could see of her. She looked happy and relaxed, that sad, clenched look faded and it had left behind a more radiant Sara. He watched as they sat in the car and looked longingly after it as it drove away. Of course she had moved on and he was a fool. An old fool.

Grissom made his way down the street and found a local bar. He just had to speak to Sara before once and he would be out of her life.

* * *

She was tired and as fun as Tom's company always is, he could always see through her regardless of how much she tried to hide her pain. The effort was always exhausting. She kicked off her shoes and flung herself down on the couch, coat and all. 'Should she have a glass of wine before bed tonight?' Sara pondered. A buzzing startled her slightly and she let out a groan. Tom must have forgotten to say something and turned around. She was not up for this. Pushing herself up off the couch, she padded over to the speaker, "Tom, how about we talk about it tomorrow? I'm exhausted." 

"Sara."

She took a step back, hand falling to her side. Grissom. His voice still haunts her dreams and her nightmares. It had shocked her into complete silence. She pulled herself together and returned to the speaker, "2A, on the left."

She took over her coat; slung it over the couch and when she heard the soft knock on her door she approached it with trepidation. Opening it slowly, she smiled at him, "Grissom." She turned and made her way into the kitchen, she was definitely having that glass of wine. She pulled out two glasses and indicated the bottle. Grissom shook his head, "No, I've had a few tonight." Sara just shrugged and poured the wine for herself.

"So what brings you here?"

Grissom leaned against the wall and shook his head. "I hardly know."

"Typical answer, Griss. You should work on that." Sara moved into the living room and Grissom trailed after her. She pointed to the couch, "Sit, you must have had a long flight. Where are you staying?"

Grissom stared at her, finding himself a little caught off balance. He wasn't sure what he expected from Sara, but he did know he hadn't expected this casual greeting and relaxed attitude. She welcomed him into her home without much after thought and that surprised him.

"I'm not, I-I'm leaving tonight." Sara just stared at him, eyebrow raised. "I thought I would see how you were settling in."

"Nick told you where I was, didn't he?"

"No, but why didn't you?" Grissom took a deep breath, and seemed to gather his courage. "I tried to find out where you were several times but you seemed to want to sever all ties."

Sara sipped her wine, "Why Grissom? Why would you work so hard to find me _after_ I'm gone? I was there everyday for seven years, right there." She placed the glass on the coffee table, "Why make this so difficult for both of us. I have never hid my feelings for you; I wore my heart on my sleeve and nothing. Not even the friendship that you seem to value so much."

Grissom just stared at her, at a loss. Sara just waved her hand in the air, "Haven't we done this enough times? I share you stare. It's almost something we've perfected."

"I want to share."

The words were uttered so quietly, Sara almost missed them. She waited.

"I came here to share, to tell you that I was sorry…" he trailed off, looking everywhere but at her.

Sara leaned closer to him, "Why are you sorry? Sorry that you severed our friendship?" She needed him to be clear, needed him to say it.

"Sorry that I wasted so many years. Sorry that I didn't say the things I should have. I could go on, Sara, don't make me." Grissom stood up and reached down to Sara, grasping her hand.

Sara leaned into his frame, hovering slightly. She brought her hand to rest on the back of his neck, allowing it to wander into the short curls of his hair. She wasn't really touching him but could feel his chest rising up and down, inhaling around her.

"You look…" he trailed off and she stood there inhaling the scent of him, all wool and so male. He was making her slightly dizzy.  
"I look what?"

"So beautiful, so sexy." he growled, his voice coming from deep with his chest. He pulled on her arms, dragging her closer, arms sliding around her ribcage.

His mouth was hot, spicy and tasted of whiskey and she had never tasted anything this good. His tongue teased hers and the kiss deepened into something more profound. She pulled back and stared at him. He leaned his forehead down to hers, "Let me try, Sara. I am not sure what you and I are, but let me try."

She pulled back, gently and retraced her steps to the kitchen. He followed after her and watched as she poured herself another glass of wine. She didn't look at him but downed the glass in one gulp. "I'm not leaving. I can't go back but I do know I want you to try."

He couldn't help himself, "Who was that guy? I should have asked if you were involved. I assumed a lot."

"Tom. We're colleagues." She said, wryly. "He might want more; I'm not sure about anything anymore."

"Sara, we both need time but I need you to know, I'll do what it takes this time."

She laughed softly, "This time, this time. Okay, we'll see what happens. No promises, no regrets. I love you, Grissom, but you know that right?"

He didn't answer her, nor did she expect one. This was something and she knew regardless of where they were going, she wanted to take the trip with him and only him. She didn't expect smooth sailing but at least for the first time he had, in his own way, confirmed how much he loved her in return.

"C'mon, Grissom." Taking his hand, she led him down the hall. They had a long way to go but like he had said, maybe they just needed to start trying.


End file.
